sad...

I am what you never wanted ... but just had to try out...

Piercings

My Industrial bar is new, it's swirly!
The piercing itself is old though.
There is also my stretched hole on this ear.
6-gage







This is my newest piercing, it is my anti-tragus.
I also have my ear stretched to 6-gage

Cure

Cure for the pain
Pain for the cure
Its a lost cause
The search is over
We're over and done
Filled and drained
Thought of and forgotten
We gain friends
And lose friends
We find answers
And gain Questions
Who are you to say Im not me?
You dont even know me...

This is my cure for the pain
That results in Pain for the cure

lost

is there a way of turning back?
becauuse i don't want to be livin` like this anymore.-

Crystal.Danica && crushed && 19 && wishing nothing happened && dying inside && tired of hiding my pain
-------------------------------------------------- -(+)---------
... and im living my life the opposite of what i wanted it to be. I dont know how it
got this bad. I never really realized that I was blind for all this time... so fucking
confusing. Got to wake up and pay attention. -
--------------(+)----------------------------------------------
the true few .. *
Kristi, Filicia, Krystal
they keep me standing when i'm about to fall down.
walk it out.. *

I will be waiting

I will be waiting for you when you walk away
I will be waiting in the pouring rain
I will be waiting when you don't speak my name
I will be waiting out in the freezing cold
I will be waiting when you forget my presence
I will be waiting when you regret knowing me
I will be waiting when you realise im here
I will be waiting always, very near..
Hidden in the shadows there i will be
Patiently waiting for you to someday just see
The person that I am and the dreams that I have
I'll be there when you realise i'm all you have
So, please don't forget who I am inside

Or that I will be waiting, with nothing to hide.

The mystery

The mystery of the mind unfolds itself,
Feelings never felt before are thrust upon the table.
Unavoidable glances and stale stares follow my every move.
The romance bug, it's a little funny,
One thing I have never learned how to deal with.
But beyond that now, it leads to even more..
Why fiddle about the little things?
Let's just keep this fun and simple.
I like a bit of light-hearted fun from time to time.
So lets bring back those feelings,
That were so unstrategically thrust upon the table,
And keep them at bay a little while longer.
No need to rush, A flame like this doesn't die fast.
Oh what a day, Oh what a night.
The mystery of the mind stays hidden.

Dream

is it sad to admit that what I thought was wasn't
is it really that hard to see the truth behind the words
what once was felt never left.. it lingered in silence
now it scratches at every glimpse of light
waiting to be let out of the darkness of hiding

The feelings of pain were never real
The feelings of loss were just a mask
I never lost what was there

It's sad to know that I still feel this way
I thought things would change
But I guess this is never really that easy

Dream

The dream of another day another world another time
A new beginning the smell of fresh dew
A part of a heart beating to the rythym of the buzzing
Flashing apart of the safety beneath
Twinkling in the daylight of a true reach
To begin a new savior to begin a new song
They must believe in a true harmony
And learn to travel alone

Ohh..

I would climb into the skies to be with you.
If I were a painter, I would make the perfect scenery for me and you.
Oh, I think about you every night.
You make a song in my mind.
So you know, I will be yours.
This tune has been playing all along.
All I need is your heart
beating against mine.
Were your arms are wrapped around me.
Now you know... Now you know...

I strongly dislike titles

I had a boyfriend for a couple years, his name was Zy. His picture is in one of my other blogs. Times with him were good, but not great. We ended and moved on quite well... though I tried to make myself believe I was in love with him, I wasn't. I had a few boyfriends since then, and one specifically sticks out in my mind.
He was sweet, funny, absent-minded, totally clueless, shy, and completely absorbed in his friends. I accepted all aspects of who he was, my mistake was making him feel like I didn't. He is constantly on my mind still, I get all dreamy when I look at him, and I can still picture spending a very long time with him. Fact is.. he wasn't ready to be with someone... I guess it would just be nice to find someone exactly like him but who wants to be with me...
I know it's never gunna happen.. And I know writing this was virtually pointless, but atleast it made me feel a bit better.

Ouch

Sliding the knife along my neck almost makes me feel alive.
Like I am being punished for being a bad person.
I don't deserve to be here... I think I should go.
The razor spills more blood, I feel weak.
I wish I could join my father on the other side.
Even the pills won't take me in.
Nothing wants me to leave.
But I want to go..
Why can't I just leave?