and life starts to sink in...

I don't know if I'm spreading myself too thin,
Or if I'm just going crazy.
I feel sooo out of it lately.
sooo tired, exhausted physically and mentally.
And i feel a bit unstable..
I don't think this whole working two jobs and going to school is working..
I know a few things right now are working for me, and I love them!
But it might be time to cut back on something I could do without..
Which would most definitely be one of my jobs..
It won't be to bad.. I'll just have more free time.
Which could either end up being a bad or a good thing..
We'll see how it goes. I just don't think I'm ready for this commitment,
I don't want to commit to a life without much sleep..
I love my sleep a lot.. I really do..
In fact, I'm going to go to bed now.

A common enemy

Trust..
The word seems to have no meaning to people anymore...
And from that I have gained huge trust issues.
It seems no one can be real, blunt, and honest anymore.
Even if you ask them to be, Im the master at this.
My world is a blunt honesty to me, thats why im a bit sinical.
But really... why say you will tell someone the things they want to know,
and then turn around and not tell them.
Who cares if you think it will hurt them, if they wanted to know its best to speak up.
So now... yet again... I am dealing with trust issues.
Maybe its cuz I dont know the person well enough,
but they are still there, and I want them to be gone.
I don't like thinking about this shit, I dont like feeling like shit.
Oh well, just another day in my world.

Fading away

As the time moves on everything else fades away.
It feels like everyone closest to me in my family keeps dying...
I know death is part of life, everyone will die
But sometimes it's hard to accept how and when they go.
I have felt so drained lately, all i want to do is sleep.
My mind is frozen to minuscule thoughts..
The time has come though... time to move on..
My life won't stop just because all theirs did..
All I can do is live for them now.

Change

Hmm... sometimes I think I could actually be a girl player...
I mean, I like one boy, then I get what I want...
Then I get bored real fast, and I move on to the next boy..
Even at sometimes I have more than a few boys..
I never thought I was like this before...
well i wasn't ...
I think I just want someone...
to hold me, talk to me.. take me out... things like that..
I dont even want the whole relationship thing with it either..
I just want to feel wanted...
It's pretty pathetic I know..
But that's how I am lately.. a little sad, but true..